Thursday, July 9, 2009
Death Race (2008)
Two words:
HOT. DAMN.
I went into this movie looking for action, and this movie sure was packing HEAT!
Within the first two minutes of this movie, there's machine guns, car crashes, explosions, and blood!
Seriously, this movie is nonstop ACTION!
The storyline is a little "meh," but who cares when you've got that much ACTION!?
It's like being f-cked in the heart with a machine gun made of dragon skin; that's how intense it is.
There's hardly anything bad I can say about this movie, except for the fact that watching it kind of felt like I was playing a video game instead.
Or like watching someone else play the video game.
There is no gratuitous sex scene in this movie, but it makes up for it with ACTION! [I like saying "action" like that]
Oh, and they did a great job casting this movie.
Machine Gun Joe seemed a little hokey, but that was an exception.
Some of the dialogue, sounded like something I would have written in the 7th grade, but the actors just rolled with it.
My final word:
If you're a big fan of ACTION! then you should probably buy it.
If you're a fan of more than just things that go boom, cars, and sexy ladies, you should at least rent it!
~Ella.
P.S. I would have loved to be a stunt driver for this movie.
P.P.S. I know this one was kind of short, but think about how long my review for "Joyride" was.
You should be thankful!
Plus, this movie pretty much is just ACTION!
Monday, July 6, 2009
Inkheart (2008)
My mom has been wanting to see this movie for a while, so today we finally went to the video store and rented it.
I'd been very curious to see it as well, because I only really like about half of the fantasy movies that I see.
After watching it, this is in the good half!
First of all, I'd like to say that the cast was AMAZING.
Brendan Fraser, Paul Bettany (gorgeous! *drools*), and even that old guy that plays Chief Inspector in Hot Fuzz!
Hot damn!
Everyone from the stars to the smallest bit players did their job exceedingly well.
I want to give whoever cast that movie a big, crushing bear hug.
Secondly, the special effects were far better than I expected.
When the big shadow monster came out of the mountainside, I almost died from how well done it was, and how real it looked.
They even made the freakin' flying monkeys look real!
I'm now going to have to read the book to compare and contrast & see if they got everything correct, but for now I applaud "Inkheart."
It was a really good movie, for all ages.
My final word:
Rent it first to make sure it's your cup of tea, then buy it so you can enjoy it more!
~Ella.
P.S. Did I mention that I think Paul Bettany is GORGEOUS? Ahhh! *drools more*
Idle Hands (1999)
I found out about this movie when MTV was playing it late at night during Spring Break.
I unfortunately didn't get to watch but a few minutes of it here and there, but from the scenes I saw, I already loved it.
It's exactly the kind of horror movie that I like: late 90s teen horror-comedy.
Awesome.
(Not to mention it had Seth Green, Jessica Alba, AND Vivica A. Fox! Wow!)
It definitely did NOT disappoint!
The movie had just the right amount of horror and comedy to it, which is amazing if you can pull it off.
"Idle Hands" definitely brought it.
I really liked everything about this movie.
The cast, the storyline, the great gore factor, & even the color scheme was great!
It's definitely up there in my favorites, now.
I'd also like to note, this movie has a really great soundtrack.
The Offspring make an appearance in the school dance scene, and the main character's rogue hand even kills the lead singer! Sweet!
I am definitely buying this movie so I can watch it on Halloween with some friends!
Warnings: There is a sex scene with some boobage, so it might not be the best for parents to watch with you.
It only lasts for less than a minute, though, so it's not too bad.
Also, there's a lot of weed smoking.
My final word:
Buy it, especially if you're a fan of Halloween movies!
~Ella.
Joyride (1996)
ALERT: This is going to be a long one!
Okay, here's the description for this movie that the Movies On Demand channel provided:
"Three slacker kids out for kicks decide to nab a car, only to discover that their new wheels are the rightful property of a crack female assassin -- and she's hot on their trail."
Sounds awesome, right?
Well that's what I said, until I paid $2 and watched it myself.
It's got pre-Spiderman Tobey Maguire, so it could be good.
It's got a couple of scenes with Adam West, so it could be good.
That girl looks like a whore, so it could be good.
They're stealing a kickass car from a f-cking female assassin, so it could be good.
But it just wasn't good.
This is what the description and the first few minutes of the movie made me expect:
- High speed car chase
- Shooting
- Gratuitous sex scene
- Someone getting killed in a really awesome way
Too bad hardly any of that happened.
There was some mild shooting, and a couple of guys did get killed, but it didn't even look cool.
Plus, there was no gratuitous sex scene!
The whole time, they're implying that the main girl (that's not the assassin) is pretty much a total slut, and her dad (Adam West; awesome!) is whoring her out to people.
You keep thinking that her and Toby Maguire are gonna get it on, but it never happens!
They go skinny dipping, and you think they're gonna do it, but then his little buzzkill gay friend pops up and ruins everything.
And towards the end, they're making out in the assassin's car, and then the assassin and his little buzzkill gay friend pop up and ruin everything.
(Also, some old guy trys to rape the girl, but the assassin kills him.)
There's really, like, no nudity at all.
I really wanted some explosions, but there's only one at the end, and I'm not even sure that it made a lot of sense...
Also, you should know by now that I'm definitely not a fan of continuity issues.
There are a few in this movie, but one in particular really bothered me.
The guy who's trying to rape the (whore)girl gets shot in the head.
A little bit of splatter goes onto the wall, but it really looks like someone just took a red marker and shook it really hard in that direction.
Then the camera pans over to the bed, where a HUGE pool of blood is all over the blankets.
There should not be THAT much blood from a head wound.
Then it shows him sliding down a wall on the other side of the room!
What the F-CK??
I don't understand their logic...
Another thing about that scene is that you see all these pictures of models and sexy ladies heavily adorning this girl's motel room (the whole movie pretty much takes place in the motel that Toby Maguire's character's dad owns), so I was wondering, how long has she been staying there??
Weird.
Another thing: the scene where the kids find the body in the trunk.
So they find the body, and Toby Maguire wants to keep the car, so they decide to dump the body in the lake, and the little buzzkill gay friend gets upset and walks away.
Toby Maguire and the whore girl then dispose of the body themselves, all while this lame, sort of ambient background music is playing. (if you've seen "Dead Poets Society," I would describe this music like about half of the background music in that movie)
Not only is it really lame music, about halfway through the scene you hear some faint saxophone start to kick into it.
That totally killed the scene for me!
My final word:
Rent it, so you know how retarded it is. It's fun to watch with friends!
~Ella.
P.S. If you get bored with it, fast forward to the scene where they beat up the rednecks.
It's actually a pretty good bit!
Hannibal (2001)
Another part of the "Hannibal Lecter Double Feature," we watched this the night after we watched "Silence of the Lambs."
I really enjoyed the first one, so I was excited to get to the second one.
I was expecting it to be filled with gory goodies, but...
It just fell short.
The main problem I had with this movie was the pace.
If you're going to make a 2+ hour movie, you have to make it a little bit quicker-paced.
In fact I couldn't even finish the last thirty minutes of the movie because I was so bored.
There was hardly any thrills or hooks to draw you in and make you keep watching, and there was, like, ONE scene total that had any gore, and it wasn't even a good scene.
Hannibal was pretty much announcing that he was going to kill this guy, and even how he was going to do it, so when he kills him, you're like "Meh. Not exciting."
That scene alone could have made me give at least a two-star rating, but it was just so poorly executed.
Another thing is the change of the actress who played the leading lady.
In "Silence of the Lambs," Agent Starling is portrayed by Jodie Foster, where in "Hannibal," she's played by Julianne Moore.
Now do they even look remotely alike?
I don't think so.
They could have at least dyed Julianne Moore's hair brown instead of leaving it red.
Talk about continuity issues!
Also, the way it was set up, it was like you HAD to go and watch the first movie to get what was going on.
You couldn't just jump into it.
Lame.
My final word:
Don't waste your time with it. Really. DON'T.
~Ella.
Just a reminder:
I've just been on this horror binge lately!
I do watch other movies, though; I don't have a one-track mind!
:]
~Ella.
Silence of the Lambs (1991)
When we bought "American Psycho," we also happened to pick up the "Hannibal Lecter Double Feature," containing "Silence of the Lambs" and "Hannibal."
We decided to watch the former the next night during dinner.
I was surprised at how much I actually liked this movie.
I thought it would be too weird.
It did bring on the weird, but it wasn't too weird to where it didn't appeal to me.
And I'd just like to point out: Anthony Hopkins is creepy as f-ck.
He alone will scare you.
I also thought that this movie would be really long and drawn out.
It's pretty long, but it keeps up the pace with the thrills.
Also, the acting is great, and the gore factor is terrific.
Only one warning: there is a scene where the crazy guy who's not Hannibal is pretending to be a lady, and he tucks his dick between his legs and flashes the camera, so... ye be warned.
Dick tuck and all, I would probably watch this movie again.
My final word:
If you can find it for a cheap price, buy it.
~Ella.
American Psycho (2000)
So, I wanted to rent a horror movie one night, but my mom took me to Walmart to sift through the $5 bin instead.
After a few minutes, I stumbled upon "American Psycho," starring Christian Bale.
I thought to myself, "That's the one where he's running around naked with a chainsaw and dancing in a raincoat, right?"
So I went ahead and got it.
I have to say, it was pretty middle of the road for me.
The gore factor was good, but the storyline lacked that spark for me.
Seemingly normal businessman who goes on killing rampages for the fun of it?
Meh.
Businessmen...
The acting is great, though.
I really enjoyed the performances put on by the cast.
(and I keep forgetting that Jared Leto is an actor! :P)
My final word:
Definitely rent it. You may be pleasantly surprised.
~Ella.
P.S. I forgot to warn you, DON'T WATCH WITH YOUR PARENTS.
There are some fairly nasty sex scenes that will probably make things a bit awkward in the room. (though you can always fast forward like I do when I'm watching "Snakes on a Plane" with my mom!)
Sunday, July 5, 2009
The Dentist (1996)
A friend and I were looking for a good horror movie to watch while she spent the night, so we went on the Movies On Demand channel under the section titled "slashers" to find one.
We stumbled across this particular one titled "The Dentist."
It sounded the best out of all the rest, and we both visit the dentist a lot, so we figured "This could be a good scare!"
Well, I'll just say it probably wasn't worth the $2.00 we payed to rent it.
It starts off with some really boring dialogue, but a lot of movies seem to do that, so we weren't too phased.
Then it's hinted that "The Dentist's" wife is cheating on him.
Hmm... this could get interesting...
I kid you not, there is a sex scene in the first 10 minutes of this movie.
And not one of those "gratuitous, but not gratuitous enough to be awkward" scenes like I described in "Scream."
No.
You could pretty much see this lady giving this guy a blowjob, just you can't see his dick.
It's pretty gross, and goes on for a good couple of minutes.
The rest of the movie is pretty stupid.
All of the acting is terrible, and the cinematography looks like a 90's music video.
There were a couple of parts where we got a bit uncomfortable (and mildly freaked) at the situation (i.e., "The Dentist" starts pulling out a kid's teeth without anesthesia), and there was one scene where "The Dentist" is slashing at someone with a knife and it's shot from above, making a really pretty scene to watch.
Other than that, not too great.
My final word:
I don't recommend it. It really didn't seem worth the time.
~Ella.
Scream (1996)
So, I recently watched "Scream" for the first time.
I have to say, I thought it would be retarded, but I ended up really enjoying it.
It had a good storyline, great cast, great gore, and it was pretty much everything I want in a horror movie.
The only person I didn't like was the main girl, played by Neve Campbell.
Oh, and Courtney Cox's character was a bitch, but she gets punched in the face, so it's all good.
Things that were good about this movie:
- Great acting from pretty much everyone
- Enough gore to keep me happy
- Gratuitous sex scene, but not gratuitous enough to where it would be awkward while watching with someone else.
My final word:
Buy it. You may want to watch it again!
~Ella.
S. Darko (2009)
I really loved the movie "Donnie Darko."
When I found out they made a sequel, I was a bit curious to see what they did.
When I heard they used the same actor to play Samantha as they did in the first one, I was even more curious.
When a friend of mine told me it was pretty good, I wanted to rent it.
I pushed and pushed my mom to go get it from the video store so we could both watch it together.
She also liked "Donnie Darko" so she figured, "Hey, why not?"
The night came when she finally went out and got it for us, and...
IT SUCKED.
I'm not going to lie, this was one of the worst movies I have ever seen.
Let me tell you why:
There was a lot of continuity issues, and a lot of things that just weren't explained or didn't pertain to the storyline at ALL.
It felt like a cheap knockoff of "Donnie Darko."
Like they were trying to do the same thing, but on a way lower budget, and a slighty differing storyline.
And it left me feeling so confused!
I had a million questions when it was over.
Like, why did that guy have a rash, and how does that go with the story?
Is it a space rash from that meteor?
Why is he freaking out on her like that?
Is it because of the rash?
Why is that other guy who gets the meteor in the end scratching?
Does HE have the rash?
Why is everyone looking out the window at the end of the movie?
Why is everyone seeing dead people all of a sudden?
Is that the guy from "Gossip Girl"?
Why are you showing me the little kid at the end when I know he's not going to be saved?
How are these things even traveling back in time?
Etc.
It was just a terrible movie. (not to mention a waste of time!)
I should have known...
My final word:
Don't watch it. Just don't.
~Ella.
C.H.U.D. (1984)
I was always hearing references to the movie "C.H.U.D.," so I figured, "This must be a pretty good movie, right?"
Wrong.
I don't know if I was too hopeful going into this movie, but I was really disappointed.
I expected the title monsters to make themselves shown more.
It was like they showed the "C.H.U.D.s" about three times, and then left them out of the rest of the movie.
They would show you their eyes glowing for a few seconds, show the rest of their bodies for half a second, then cut to the horrified people.
There were a few moments that were okay, a few people getting killed by horrific monsters, (and not to mention a cameo from John Goodman) but the rest of the movie was just kind of... boring.
The highlight of the movie was the fact that that guy from Home Alone (the robber that's not Joe Pesci) is in it.
My final word:
Rent it if you dare, but you may be disappointed.
~Ella.
P.S. Can someone tell me what happens in the last couple of minutes?
I got a phone call right before I finished it, and didn't bother watching the last, like, two minutes.
Introduction:
I shall be rating & reviewing the movies that I watch, one by one, as I watch them.
I hope this will be entertaining!
~Ella.
P.S.
The first few I'll be rating are movies that I've watched in the past week or so.
Others will be the day/day after I watch them.
:]
